I'm normal

Well, I'm probably not "normal" in life, but I am normal according to my BMI chart. When I started trying to lose weight, my BMI was 30. Right on the Overweight/Obese line. As of Monday, I have crossed into the Normal range. I think it's only by about half a pound, but I don't care. I still have a few more pounds to go in order to reach my goal, so hopefully by the time I get there I will be squarely in the Normal range.

It has been another crazy work week for me. I have been going non-stop from the time I get up until I go to bed. Not great for the exercise schedule. I've managed to get some walking in, but not much else. This weekend I have promised myself that no matter what work is waiting for me (yes, I work weekends too), I am going to set aside time for myself to do 2 really great workouts. I don't know if I will go to the gym or try to get outside for a 4-5 mile walk each day, but whatever I do, I know I will enjoy it. I didn't realize how much I would miss working out.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Sybil is at it again

It feels like I haven't posted in forever! I had such a crazy work week last week and I wound up with a nasty cold. I didn't exercise at all last week, but I also had very little appetite and when I finally did eat, nothing tasted good (it's hard to find something yummy when you are all stuffed up!). I really wasn't sure what to expect for today's weigh in. I thought I would be down a little (because I felt kind of smaller), but I was in for a shock. According to Sybil, I am down 5 pounds from last week. Apparently lots of work + no appetite = weight loss. That is not the formula I plan to start using, but until last week I had been really good about working out and eating "normal" but healthier choices, so I am not going to beat myself up for losing weight the "wrong" way last week. I felt much better over the weekend, so today I got right back into my exercise routine with a 30 minute walk this morning. I am looking forward to getting back to my work out schedule. I had no idea I would miss it so much!

I have a ton of catching up to do on everyone's blogs, so if you see a new comment from a post you wrote 4 days ago, it's probably just me. LOL! Hopefully this week will be just a little calmer and I will be able to post more. I hope you all have a great day!

Update and an update photo

I am going to have to give up my 30 day challenge and start over another time. I have not been able to exercise at all this week. My work schedule has gone absolutely crazy and for the past several days I have been working from the minute I get up until well after 9. Monday I didn't finish working until after midnight. And to top it all off...... I am sick! I feel like crap. I have a cold that is just bad enough to be completely draining my energy. It's not enough to stop me from working, but it is taking every ounce of energy I have to get through the day. I have not exercised at all since Sunday.

The only plus side of having the cold is that I have very little appetite, so I'm not eating much either. Oh well, I just have to get through this week and get back on track as soon as I can. I do have an update picture to share. I came home from an appointment this morning and hubby decided to take a picture. I'm not sure if it was because I was wearing a skirt (which I hardly ever do) or what, but I let him take it. It's not the best picture, but it's current so here it is.







I'm having blogger withdrawl because I haven't had time to read any blogs since Monday, so I will be playing major catch up this weekend! Have a great week!

Wow....water......who knew?

This morning's weigh in was a milestone. I've hit the 25 pounds lost mark and I have less than 10 pounds to go in order to reach my initial goal weight. I lost 2 pounds this week and I think I may have finally broken that plateau I was stuck in for several weeks.

I had a good week as far as exercising. With the exception of Wednesday, I did some exercise every day. My eating was pretty good too and I finally managed to get rid of the urge to snack which had been plaguing me for the past week or so. The one thing that I really improved on this week was how much water I drink.

I've been saying for weeks that I needed to increase my water intake. I just couldn't seem to do it. On Thursday I put a piece of paper on the fridge to remind me to drink water and to keep track of how much I was drinking. Well, that must have done the trick because I've had at least 50 ounces of water each day since Friday and yesterday was around 80 ounces. And viola, lost 2 pounds. Ahhh, water. The plateau buster. :)

So Friday was bad for me (as you know from my pity party post), but after having a long talk with myself (is it bad when you are actually having a conversation in your head??? LOL!), I've come up with a plan.

I'm going to spend the next couple of months working towards my goal weight. It's kind of an arbitrary number, but it's based on weight charts, BMI charts, etc. for someone my height, so it's what I'm going with for now. It's also right around what I weighed before I had my second son, so it should be achievable.

Once I get there (or close to it), I am going to spend several months really focusing more on strength training and toning and less on aerobic exercise. I will still do some walking, etc. but it won't be my main concern. After a few months, I'm going to re-evaluate how I feel about how I look. If I'm still having a real problem with certain things, I am going to explore other options.

I did some pretty good soul searching this weekend and a couple of things really hit me. First, I am not 25 any more. I'm getting close to 40 and losing muscle tone is a natural part of getting older. Things do "sag" more as we age and after we've had kids. That is just a fact of life. If I want to fight that, I'm going to have to really work on strength training. Second, I may be expecting too much too soon. I've only been on this journey for about 4 months. I was overweight for over 10 years. My body got really used to being a certain size. I may need to be a little patient and wait to see how much things "snap back". I don't really know how elastic my skin is, so some of what I am unhappy with may fix itself given enough time. We'll just have to see.

So that's it. My super long post has finally come to an end. Looking at my calendar, I can already tell my week is going to be crazy and we are expecting rain & snow for the next several days. It may be a challenge to get my exercise in all week, but I am certainly going to try.

I hope you all have a great Monday!

I like to sweat

I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but when I do my 60 minute workout at the Y (it's actually longer than that now, but let's say it's 60-haha), the first half is a cardio workout. Based on the workout that my helper/trainer/torturer gave me, I have a "calories burned" goal. I am only allowed to do the cardio for 25-30 minutes and I am supposed to try to burn a certain number of calories in that time. I love having that kind of goal when I exercise (have I mentioned the Type A, goal setting personality? LOL!). I can use any cardio machine that I want, but I always use the elliptical. It's easy on my joints and I really feel like I've done something when I am finished. Anyway, today my goal increased and so to make sure I hit it, I cranked up the resistance a little higher than I normally would. OMG! Who knew that going up one level of resistance would make it soooo much harder? About half way in, I noticed that I was sweating. By the time I was done, I was really kind of gross. And I liked it. :)

Walking is great exercise and it's gotten me this far, but I forgot how much I like to sweat when I exercise. When I used to teach step classes, I always ended up sweaty and I always felt like I had really worked. That is how I felt today. I'm going to keep cranking up that resistance this week and I might even try a step class or two so I can get my sweat quota in this week. :)

On another note, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who commented on my post on Friday. I was really feeling bad when I wrote it and your support and nice words were very helpful. I know we don't "know" each other, but when you blog like this and put so much of yourself out there for the world to see, you feel like other bloggers are your friends (at least that's how I feel). I am feeling MUCH better now and I have a plan (Damn, I can't get away from that controlling, Type A thing, can I? HA! HA!) which I will be sharing as part of my post tomorrow after my weigh in.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

I'm headed to a bad place

Warning - if you are looking for motivation, inspiration, something happy or funny, today's post will not be for you. I feel a venting, whiny, pity party coming on.

I'm in a bad place today. Yesterday I posted that I am having a weird week, but I didn't mention one of the things that is bothering me because it's very personal and it seems petty and superficial. I read blogs about amazing weight loss stories from people that have lost a lot of weight, really gotten healthy and completely transformed their lives. I usually find them to be so inspirational! I really enjoy reading each story. Whether you've lost 100 pounds or 5 pounds. Whether you run 30 miles a week or struggle to get on the treadmill for 5 minutes, I normally love to hear about your accomplishments. This week has been a little different. I'm still reading your blogs and I'm still happy for everyone and what they've done, but I don't feel happy about where I am.

If you've read my earlier posts, you know that my initial motivation for losing weight was that I was unhappy with the way I looked. I am going to be 39 in a couple of weeks and I just didn't want to turn 40 and be overweight. I wanted to look and feel better than I did. Right now, I don't feel better about the way I look. I feel worse. I told my husband a couple days ago that I wanted my 20+ pounds back. That if I could go back, I'm not sure I would do this again. He told me that I didn't mean that. Part of me did mean it. 20 pounds ago, things were bigger, but they weren't as saggy as they are now. When I look at some parts of my body, I'm not even sure if what I'm seeing is more fat or extra skin. I don't know if those areas will even tighten up or if that's just how it's going to look (which by the way, isn't pretty).

Then there is my favorite. My chest. I have joked about it and written funny posts about it, but it's now gotten to the point that it's really bothering me. When I was heavier, I still had times when I felt pretty or sexy. I don't feel that way now. I feel healthier and I feel stronger, but I don't like the way that I LOOK. I am really struggling with this. And I'm not whining because my double D's are now B's. I seriously don't even need a bra anymore. I was never big, but now I feel like I have the chest of a 12 year old boy. That is not a good feeling. I know it's petty and I know it's superficial. I know that it's my body image issue that is causing this feeling, but I am not sure how to fix it. I didn't have body image issues before. I mean, we all have our insecurities, but I never had anything like this.

I'm not sure where I go from here. Part of me just wants to stop worrying about diet and exercise all together. Have you ever tried to fix something or clean something and you realize that you are only making it worse? Like pulling a thread on a sweater. Sometimes when you pull it, the sweater starts to unravel and you end up with a ruined sweater. You would have been better off if you never pulled the string in the first place. Part of me thinks that I've worked really hard to get to where I am and I'm so close to my goal that it would be silly to stop here, that I might as well see this through and then decide what I want to do.

Maybe I'll feel better about this in a few days. I think I'm going to keep on the diet and work out all weekend and then re-evaluate how I feel on Monday. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed that!

Weird week

Well, I am having a weird week. Monday we got another foot of snow, so of course that meant no school on Tuesday for the kids. Monday night (before school was even officially closed), they started requesting things for meals the next day. I was in a bit of a mood from my weigh in on Monday, so I figured, what the heck. I'm going to cook all the things they want and you know what? I'm going to eat them too. And that's what I did. I ate whatever I wanted on Tuesday. I did manage to get a 30 minute walk in, but that was the best I could do. The roads were so bad that there was no way I was getting to the gym and even the 30 minute walk was a little rough because there is so much snow on the ground and lots of my neighbors don't shovel their sidewalks.

Yesterday the kids went back to school and I discovered that with all of the cooking and cleaning and working and playing with the kids, I forgot.....

....to wash my workout clothes. Oh crap! It's not like I can exercise naked at the gym and it's not like you can wear those things twice (YUCK!), so I was in a bind. That is when an odd feeling came over me. I felt tired. Just worn out. Tired of worrying about what I am going to cook and eat for each meal that fits into my diet plan. Tired of trying to find time in between work and hubby and the kids and the house and the CRAPPY WEATHER to get in a good workout. Tired of remembering to wash my workout clothes. Just tired of it all. So yesterday I did not exercise.

That is really bad considering I was only 10 days into my 30 day challenge to myself, but I seriously just couldn't find the time and motivation yesterday to get myself to do it.

Today has been a little better. I did walk this morning and I've eaten the things that are on my "good" list. I am hoping to feel a lot better tomorrow and get myself to the gym for a really hard, long workout. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck.